A Nurse’s Christmas
"T’was the night before Christmas, and all thru the floor
Lasix was given, filling the foleys galore.
Stockings were worn to prevent emboli,
they came in two sizes, knee and thigh high.
The patients were nestled half-assed in their beds,
while visions of stool softeners danced in their heads.
We in our scrubs, and they in their gowns,
Fashions created to hide extra pounds.
When down in the ER it became such a zoo,
they called with admissions for me and for you.
They’re coming, they’re going, and they’re all looking the same.
My patience for patients is starting to wane.
Now call lights are ringing, the patient 400 pounds,
says - "Didn’t get my pericare, now send my nurse down."
And now delegation seems the best plan,
We try to send others, to the needs of this man.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Santa himself and 8 tiny reindeer.
He says he comes from Central Supply,
To bring us LR, NS, and D5.
The doctors then scribbled what no one could read,
Orders for patients, to measure their pee.
We try to decipher illegible words, orders for patients,
to guaiac their turds.
The new shift arriving, our day is not through.
How did stool and emesis get in my shoe?
We give them report and pass on the facts, And tell them of duoderm lining all cracks.
And the nurses exclaim as they limp out of sight,
"Ativan to them all, and to all good night!!!"
- unknown
